You pick up what you can from whatever sources you can.
The internet started to become big and I got into political forums.
One time someone said to me that when my life goes to hell, and it will, be man enough to lay in it, the pile of shit you created,* oh, the bed you’ve made, that was it. Something like that. While uncalled-for, there is probably some wisdom in there somewhere. Something I never heard from my father who died while I was a baby or I surely would have heard that from him.
We live in the world we live in, not the world we’d like to live in. I didn’t create the rules and I may not like them but I have to follow them, at least to a point. I can’t just rebel against anything and everything and expect to get by.
It became harder to get help from my mom, especially when her boyfriend moved in. Perhaps it was his influence on her a little bit; his more conservative influence. In the long-run I took what I could from that and learned to be more self-reliant and not to have my first thought be to ask my mother for help. Long over-due no doubt when this happened.
So life’s hard lessons come and go and you take from them what you can, life goes on and you learn. You may not learn things in the prescribed way, like me, but you can pick them up in the course of time wherever you can find them, leaving no stone un-turned. You learn what you can.
My employer gave me a rubber ducky in my Swoon Technology Resources swag today. You can never have too many rubber ducky’s, now I have one. I suppose if I had kids maybe that’s the idea. Of course I am a kid.
Toby the cat and the Squirrels
The squirrels set out the alarm call when my cat approaches. He is a manageable threat but one that must be watched. Any let down of the guard and the cat could take advantage of it. The cat does not do this out of meanness or anger but out of instinct. He is a cat after all. He is a small animal terrorist. That is what he does and the other animals must watch out for him and other cats.
One of the tenants puts bird seed on the ground for the animals so the squirrels are pretty spoiled. It gives Toby the cat plenty of animal watching intrigue. Sometimes he just sits there and watches them. They seem to be aware of it, leery, but continue their business.
Crow’s feet by the sides of my eyes
I guess it shouldn’t be any big surprise
At times I feel more tired than ever before
4 beers and it hits me and I’m sleeping on the couch
I guess it’s wakin’ up early and going to work every day
I had a job once I started at 6am and it would make me feel that way.
Overtired from stress
I needed it I guess
I’ve learned a lot, I’ve mellowed
Still pluggin’ away.
This ignition interlock device I had to have installed in my car after getting an owi(2) is seriously cruel and unusual punishment and I’m not even kidding. It is so loud I just got home from work and my ears are ringing. It makes this high-pitched squeal every 10 minutes or so when it wants you to retest and it’s a disturbing, horrible noise. Then you have to blow for about 10 seconds and then quickly inhale for a few seconds right after you blow and if you don’t do it quick enough the horn starts blowing and the lights flashing and the flashers flashing and it’s actually quite difficult to do completely sober. My vehicle is no longer even safe to drive like this. I can’t even believe this. There’s got to be a law suit in here somewhere. Or I might as well just shoot myself in the head. It’s all designed to make you feel miserable and humiliate you because nobody is going to have any sympathy for anyone convicted of drunk driving.
Well maybe people will understand my point when this causes a major accident and I wasn’t even doing anything wrong to cause it.
I have now started wearing ear plugs when I’m in my car because the noise is really that loud and disturbing. It is this high pitched ring just below a dog whistle type of sound.
I was walking with my kitty and enjoying the sunset when he went under someone’s fence. He managed to get trapped behind a chain-linked fence and another wooden fence and the neighbor’s dog was barking at us. I couldn’t figure out how to get him out. He’s also been sick lately so this was worrying. Finally he climbed the chain-linked fence and got out so that was a relief. Now he is happy to be back home with me at my apartment and is sleeping on my bed.
My next album, tentative track list.
1. Drunken Logic
3. Slow Down
6. Hippie Sabbatical
All songs copyleft Walter Holstad and yet to be written. Beginning work on lyrics, some may be instrumental. This is what I have learned through my experiences over the past few months after getting arrested for OWI(2), entering counseling, and spending days in jail on two separate occasions, losing my license for a year ( including my occupational license for 45 days ), and now having to get a breathalyzer installed on my vehicle for 12 months as well.
I like science and art. I like to read non-fiction and I like music and writing. When I was growing up around age 8 I remember wanting to be a scientist. I liked computers too. I was never able to progress as far in science or computers as far as I would have liked to. My chemistry teacher in high school Sophomore year maybe sensed that when he forced me to put my science project in the school science fair which I grudgingly did but by then I was too far gone. My confidence and work ethic were severely dashed.
Lately I have been given some second opportunities in some regards and I feel like I have been able to reclaim some of that lost enthusiasm and curiosity for science. My first time around in college there were too many distractions and I didn’t really have a sense of direction or purpose. In my early twenties I got into financial trouble and that seemed to take over and be the theme of my life for the next decade or so. Self-esteem dwindled. I didn’t want to take on any more debt to go back to school and probably fail at it again anyway but when my grandma passed and left me some money it gave me a chance to go back to school without having to incur more debt. So I did and got a technical diploma in web design from Milwaukee Area Technical College and that has been enough to give me a leg up so far and give me a start at some fun things to work on and build on.
Pushed back, takin on debt
Didn’t even know that I could get credit cards.
Money was tight before
Now it is even more
Hopefully I can handle everything that is in store
I was meant to be free.
But a martyr unfortunately.
Have I suffered enough for me to let me be.